Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage in the Workplace (and Beyond)
Many professionals unknowingly engage in self-sabotaging behaviours that can significantly hinder career advancement. These behaviours, though subtle, can undermine our confidence, prevent us from speaking up, and create unnecessary roadblocks to our professional success. Breaking the cycle of self-sabotage is crucial for unlocking our full potential and building strong, trusting relationships in the workplace. This article will explore common self-sabotaging behaviours, particularly in communication, and provide practical strategies to overcome them.
What is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage refers to actions or thought patterns that directly hinder our ability to achieve our goals. It stems from internal barriers such as fear of failure, self-doubt, or perfectionism. In the workplace, self-sabotage manifests in various forms—whether it’s avoiding difficult conversations, downplaying our contributions, or not speaking up when it matters.
Common signs of self-sabotage include:
Avoiding difficult conversations: You may shy away from providing constructive feedback or addressing issues with colleagues, fearing conflict or discomfort.
Under-selling yourself: Downplaying your achievements, especially during meetings or performance reviews, in an attempt to avoid appearing boastful.
Perfectionism: Striving for flawless results, often at the expense of time, productivity, and mental health.
Procrastination: Avoiding tasks due to self-doubt, resulting in missed deadlines or unnecessary stress.
Fear of success: Feeling anxiety about succeeding, which can lead to hesitation or sabotage of opportunities that could propel you forward.
How Self-Sabotage Shows Up in Communication
Communication is at the core of many self-sabotaging behaviours in the workplace. Whether it’s having a difficult conversation or sharing your ideas, how you communicate—or fail to communicate—can play a pivotal role in limiting your success. Below are some examples of how self-sabotage manifests in communication:
Avoiding Direct Communication
Example: You notice a colleague’s performance is affecting the team’s productivity but avoid addressing it because you’re uncomfortable with conflict. As a result, the issue continues to negatively impact the team.
Strategy to Overcome: Practice assertive communication—this means addressing issues directly and respectfully, using “I” statements to express how you feel and what you need. When you avoid uncomfortable conversations, you inadvertently contribute to a toxic work environment. Instead, aim to be clear and kind when communicating difficult feedback or discussing sensitive topics.
Example Strategy:
What to say: “I noticed that the delays on your part have caused some disruption to the project timeline. Can we talk about how we can address this together moving forward?”
Why it works: This communicates the problem while avoiding blame, opening up a dialogue for resolution.
Under-selling Yourself
Example: During a meeting, you present a successful project you’ve worked on, but instead of highlighting your contributions, you downplay them, saying things like “It wasn’t really that important” or “Anyone could have done it.”
Strategy to Overcome: Shift your mindset around self-promotion. Recognise your value and understand that your achievements are worthy of acknowledgment. Acknowledge your contributions without bragging, but in a way that shows your impact on the team or company.
Example Strategy:
What to say: “I worked on this project, and as a result, we achieved [specific result]. I’m proud of how it turned out and am looking forward to taking on more challenges like this.”
Why it works: This statement conveys confidence without being boastful, showing that you’re proud of your accomplishments and ready to contribute further.
Perfectionism
Example: You delay submitting a report because you want it to be perfect, but this leads to missed deadlines and stress. You find yourself spending hours editing, re-editing, and second-guessing your work.
Strategy to Overcome: Challenge your perfectionism by setting realistic goals and aiming for progress over perfection. Understand that perfection is often subjective, and in many cases, good enough is sufficient.
Example Strategy:
What to do: Set a timer when working on tasks. Allow yourself a set amount of time to complete a project, and commit to delivering it when the time is up, even if it’s not “perfect.”
Why it works: Setting time limits helps prevent overthinking and over-editing, and allows you to focus on completing the task and moving on to the next one.
Procrastination
Example: You know that you need to have a difficult conversation with your manager about a miscommunication that occurred during a recent project. However, you keep putting it off because you’re afraid of how they will react.
Strategy to Overcome: Break tasks into smaller, manageable pieces, and take action even if you’re unsure. Once you start, it often becomes easier to continue. Remind yourself that avoiding a difficult conversation will only prolong the discomfort.
Example Strategy:
What to do: Schedule the conversation in advance, even if it feels daunting. Prepare for it by writing down your points and practicing what you want to say.
Why it works: Setting a firm date and preparing ahead of time reduces anxiety and increases your confidence when the time comes.
Fear of Success
Example: A colleague offers you a leadership role, but you decline, fearing that success will bring additional expectations or pressure that you’re not ready to handle.
Strategy to Overcome: Understand that success doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Embrace the opportunities that come your way and see them as a chance for personal growth.
Example Strategy:
What to do: Take a step back and assess why you’re afraid. Is it fear of more responsibility? Fear of failing? Once you acknowledge these feelings, you can start to reframe them as growth opportunities.
Why it works: Embracing growth is key to overcoming the fear of success. It helps you view challenges as stepping stones rather than obstacles.
Practical Tools to Break the Cycle of Self-Sabotage
Self-Reflection and Journaling
Take time each week to reflect on moments when you felt you sabotaged your own success. Write down specific examples and how you can handle them differently in the future.
Example: If you avoid giving feedback during meetings, reflect on what caused the hesitation and consider how you could have communicated more confidently.
Set Clear, Achievable Goals
Set specific, measurable goals for improving your communication and career development. Focus on one area at a time, such as initiating difficult conversations or advocating for yourself in meetings.
Example: Your goal might be: “I will initiate one difficult conversation with a colleague each month” or “I will contribute at least one idea during every team meeting.”
Seek Feedback and Mentorship
Engage with mentors, colleagues, or managers who can provide constructive feedback. Learning how others perceive your communication and actions can help you adjust and grow.
Example: After a meeting, ask for feedback on how you presented yourself or how you handled a difficult conversation.
Moving Forward with Confidence
Self-sabotage doesn’t have to hold you back in your career. By becoming more aware of your behaviours, practicing self-reflection, and implementing clear strategies for improvement, you can start to break the cycle and open the door to greater career success. Effective communication is not just about what you say; it’s about how you say it and how you advocate for yourself in every situation.
Unlock Your Potential: Master Psychological Barriers to Effective Communication on Udemy
If you’re looking for ways to further address psychological barriers that may be impacting your communication and leadership skills, my Udemy course Master Psychological Barriers to Effective Communication provides practical strategies to break free from these self-sabotaging patterns. Learn how to overcome self-doubt, manage stress in tough conversations, and communicate with confidence.
This course is part of my Master Effective Communication in Diverse Workplaces series, and it’s designed to equip you with the tools you need to succeed in both professional and personal settings.
Udemy is a global online learning platform that offers affordable, self-paced courses across various fields. You can take courses at your own pace, from anywhere in the world, and access expert-led content that helps you develop new skills, enhance your existing ones, and improve your overall career prospects. With Udemy, you have the flexibility to learn at your own convenience while gaining practical knowledge that can make a real impact in your life.
Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage Beyond the Workplace
Self-sabotage doesn’t only affect our professional lives—it can have a profound impact on our personal relationships and overall well-being. The same patterns of self-doubt, fear, and avoidance that hinder our career growth can also create roadblocks in how we interact with loved ones, friends, and ourselves. The good news is that by addressing self-sabotaging behaviours in the workplace, we can begin to break these patterns in every area of our lives.
How Self-Sabotage Affects Our Personal Lives
1. Strained Relationships Due to Poor Communication
In both personal and professional settings, avoiding difficult conversations can create misunderstandings and tension. When we fear conflict or avoid discussing important issues with family members, friends, or partners, it can lead to unresolved problems that fester over time. Whether it’s avoiding confrontation over a small disagreement or not expressing our needs for fear of being vulnerable, this avoidance can breed resentment.
Example: You may avoid having a conversation with a close friend about how their actions have hurt you because you fear that the conversation will escalate into an argument, causing strain in the relationship. Over time, this can lead to feelings of isolation or frustration, as the issue continues unresolved.
How to Overcome It: In personal relationships, it’s just as important to practice assertive communication as it is in the workplace. Embrace direct and honest conversations with those closest to you. Being clear about your feelings and needs will prevent misunderstandings from lingering and help create healthier, more open relationships.
2. Undervaluing Yourself in Personal Interactions
Just as you might under-sell your achievements at work, the same tendency can occur in your personal life. You may downplay your worth in relationships, minimising your contributions or dismissing your own needs, which can result in feeling unappreciated or disconnected.
Example: In a romantic relationship, you may not speak up when something is bothering you, such as feeling that your partner is not helping enough around the house. By not voicing your concerns, you might internalise resentment, leading to unnecessary stress or even withdrawal from the relationship.
How to Overcome It: Recognise your worth and don’t be afraid to express your needs and desires. It’s important to acknowledge what you bring to relationships—whether it’s emotional support, shared responsibilities, or acts of kindness. Open communication is key to fostering mutual respect and understanding.
3. Perfectionism Creating Stress and Anxiety
The tendency to strive for perfection can also seep into personal life. Whether it’s trying to maintain a “perfect” image, create a flawless social media presence, or fulfil unrealistic expectations set by others or ourselves, this pressure can lead to anxiety and burnout. The pursuit of perfection in personal matters often results in us feeling like we are never “good enough,” regardless of our accomplishments.
Example: You may become so fixated on making sure everything at home is in perfect order that you neglect self-care or family time. The drive for perfection in small daily tasks can steal time and energy away from enjoying meaningful moments.
How to Overcome It: Challenge your perfectionist tendencies by embracing progress over perfection. It’s important to accept that mistakes and imperfections are a natural part of life and growth. Instead of trying to control everything, focus on doing your best without the need for perfection. This mindset shift helps alleviate unnecessary pressure and frees up mental and emotional space for more meaningful connections.
4. Procrastination in Personal Goals
Procrastination doesn’t just affect work tasks—it also hampers personal growth. Whether it’s delaying plans for personal development, putting off a health goal, or avoiding conversations that could improve your relationships, procrastination keeps you stuck in a cycle of inaction and self-doubt.
Example: You may put off starting a fitness routine or pursuing a personal passion project because you’re overwhelmed by the idea of failure or not living up to your own expectations. In doing so, you miss opportunities for personal satisfaction and well-being.
How to Overcome It: Combat procrastination by breaking tasks down into manageable steps. Focus on small wins and set achievable personal goals. Instead of waiting for the “perfect” moment to start, begin now with what you have and build from there.
5. Fear of Success in Personal Life
In the same way that we might fear success at work, we may also hesitate to fully embrace the opportunities that come our way in our personal lives. This fear might stem from the belief that success in one area of life (such as achieving a personal goal) will bring added pressure, responsibilities, or even lead to loss.
Example: You may decline an exciting opportunity, like traveling with a group of friends or pursuing a new hobby, because you fear it will disrupt your comfortable routine or bring about unforeseen complications. Similarly, fear of succeeding in a personal goal (e.g., buying a house or having children) may cause hesitation due to concerns about what that success might demand of you.
How to Overcome It: Acknowledge that growth often requires stepping outside your comfort zone. Embrace opportunities for growth and joy in your personal life. Reframe your fears as chances to evolve and experience new aspects of life that can contribute to a richer, more fulfilling experience.
Why Overcoming Self-Sabotage Benefits Both Work and Life
When we stop sabotaging ourselves, we build stronger, healthier relationships both at work and in our personal lives. The same strategies that work in the workplace—assertive communication, setting realistic expectations, and taking proactive steps to manage stress—can translate into a more fulfilling personal life. As we break free from these limiting behaviours, we start to live more authentically, express ourselves with confidence, and invite more opportunities for growth, connection, and happiness.
Which of the following self-sabotaging behaviours do you struggle with the most in your professional life?
Avoiding difficult conversations
Under-selling myself in meetings
Procrastination on important tasks
Doubting my abilities before taking on challenges
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